The Mazzarelli's Up North: Homage to Hannah

Homage to Hannah - We Love You!

Well this entry was very hard for me to do, that's why it took me so long. I've had Hannah since she was 5 wks old and she was around before Carl and the kids. She used to sleep with me and was literally my baby. Her ears were the softest ears ever (Carl used to joke about making something from her ears when she left us!), I swore she could smile, and she had "Dorito" feet (I know that sounds crazy and gross!) She was a purebred AKC chocolate lab (the runt of her litter) and her registered AKC name was "Chocolate Lady Hannah".

We had to make a decision about Hannah's quality of life the first week of January when we found out she had cancer. It was a type of skin cancer that would spread to her organs and needed surgery. She had surgery for a non-cancerous tumor (it weighed 16.5 lbs!) back in June 07' so her quality of life/ mobility was better. She recovered great and did very well for her age. We did not want to put her through another surgery that may not even help her. Carl and I decided that we did not want her to suffer, ever. I had to make one of the hardest decisions ever to allow her to die with dignity. We wanted to remember her as a smiling puppy wagging her tail. Both Carl and I were with her and held her. I cried like a baby. Hannah left us on 1/11/08 with dignity and quality of life, she was almost 13 years old.

While I knew we had done the right thing I questioned myself everyday. But as cheesy as it sounds, time does heal. The hardest times were when Carlo would want to pray to her. Now we are not a very religious family but of course many questions arose in the mind of a very curious and now sad little boy. He would ask in tears, " What does heaven look like?, How will Hannah get to heaven?, Who will take Hannah to the bathroom?, Will Jesus walk Hannah and give her treats?, Can Hannah come back home from heaven?" Yeah, pretty gut wrenching questions for the very sad Mommy who could not stop crying. Carl and I approached it from what we knew from growing up Catholic and did our best. He wanted to pray 2-3 times a day, but that is much less often now. Sophia does not even say Hannah, so I hope she has not noticed her not being there. And for me I'm getting there. Carl was the best husband ever and was there for me every minute of everyday that I mourned. He would just hug me and say "It will get easier" And it has. I know that he is sad too, but he was always there for me. We also have wonderful friends that have helped us so much through this tough time watching the kids and just reaching out to us. We really appreciate them for that. I have included some pictures over the years of Hannah prior to kids and with the kids.